If IRL is so back, what about online communities?
What we’re unpacking today:
Are online and offline actually separate?
What purpose do our online communities serve in an analog world?
The online community builder’s role in all of this
We—Carrie and Kelly from Team CMJ—use these interviews to explore trends, tensions, and issues related to community building (and those em-dashes are human-written; no AI is used in creating these newsletters).
We share more about our goal for these conversations in our “community newsletter experiment” post.
KELLY: We’re seeing a slew of headlines lately about people, schools, and communities ditching social media, putting down phones, and going analog. We are here for it. Down with predatory, addictive social platforms and the billionaires behind them. Hooray for getting outside, meeting our neighbors, and celebrating and protecting our local communities.
But what about the online communities we also love and care about so much? After all, the two of us spend our days tending to our own online community, researching member experiences in online spaces, and teaching others how to create meaningful engagement in a digital world. There’s tension!
But first, let’s unpack what’s behind this trend of pushing for more “in real life” communities.
CARRIE: The real and sizeable backlash against digital worlds is happening right now for good reason (especially for young people):
Teens in particular spend astronomical amounts of time online and it’s correlated with less time spent with friends, worse learning outcomes, and heightened loneliness
Gathering with friends is statistically down across the US (partying is down 50%!)
But things are turning around: According to a survey of 2,000 Americans, 73% of 18- to 35-year-olds say they are likely to attend an in-person event in the next 6 months.
Promoting in-person connection is necessary, but we also need to acknowledge the very real challenges of gathering offline, such as limited or expensive transportation, lack of accessibility, perceptions of safety (or lack thereof), and a dwindling number of third places to gather in person. These are all part of the problem for everyone, but especially for young folks.
KELLY: Totally. Connecting online is simply easier and much more accessible—both a good and a bad thing. So is the answer in balancing the two? What place does the digital world have now that we’re all so hungry for offline connection?
CARRIE: There is a false dichotomy I hope we can release, and that’s that the digital world and the offline world are somehow separate. That’s never been the case for millennials and is even less true for Gen Z and Gen Alpha.
Online-only friendships and communities are rare; most relationships have some hybrid elements, whether intentional or not.
Today, the digital world should be seen as a tool—a means to an end, not the end itself. The end goal is strong relationships and shared progress. Relationships and progress DO happen in the digital world (I’ve spent my career making sure of this), but most of us NEED more in-person connections than we are getting to cement the kinds of relationships and progress we crave.
KELLY: Yes! This reminds me of the recent in-person community conference we attended together, Carrie. The organizers used Slack, WhatsApp, and email to connect attendees online leading up to the conference, build excitement, and tease what was to come. Then we spent a full day together in person, talking face-to-face, bonding through activities and chat, and sharing a live, messy, co-created experience.
And now? Until the next in-person gathering, we’re back online, using those digital spaces to continue our conversations and friendships. Maybe some of us are having in-person coffee chats with our new friends, too. The progress continues.
CARRIE: That’s right. And here’s what all this means for YOU, dear reader, whose priority is to build community…
It means you should see the digital world you’re creating as a vehicle for progress and connection, not as just a “membership” or “support community.” Ask yourself how people’s lives might be changed if your community is operating at its highest potential. What kind of world needs to be created for your members so they can grow into their next level as they make that progress?
It’s not just about delivering content; it never was, but it certainly isn’t in our AI-eats-everything environment.
One of our clients asked me a few weeks ago why generating engagement online was so difficult. And I told her something she didn’t expect: to let go of it. Not because it doesn’t matter, but because other things matter more.
We all have to remember that our online communities are not our members’ whole lives. They’re just a tiny fraction. And that’s healthy. In our client’s case (and likely in yours), what matters most is what’s happening outside the community—the progress, conversations, and reflections while standing in line at the grocery store—the daily practice of the skills you teach. THAT is what we must optimize toward.
You want people out in the world doing the thing, not on their computers typing away.
Digital engagement solely for the sake of engagement is dead. We've been holding on to this idea for too long, and it takes a toll on community builders. They—and you!—can let it go.
KELLY: Wow, yeah. Not only do online communities complement in-person connection and progress, as in our conference, but maybe the whole point of online interaction is to help make us braver, kinder, more compassionate relationship-builders in our offline lives, with whomever we meet.
This feels like a big mindset shift.
CARRIE: That’s a fascinating way to put it, and mirrors exactly how I used online communities as a teenager to become braver. Online, before the days of social media, I felt safer expressing myself and unmasking. Well-moderated online communities were my entry point to in-person connections at my school and in my neighborhood. So I’ve never felt like online wasn’t “real life.” I felt like it was the real-est I had ever been, and I wanted more of that in my offline world. I’ve never forgotten that.
Today, community builders should remember that their online world is an entry point and a return point to much bigger work they can enable, whether that is a retreat, conference, local meetup group, or coffee chats.
We should all be thinking about how to bring our digital work into the offline world. After all, the world desperately needs more connection, understanding, and bravery. If you’ve created that digitally, how might you bring that into the offline world? That is a question worth holding and experimenting with, now more than ever.
Is the push for analog creating tension in your work or personal life? How are you navigating it? You’re always welcome to drop a comment and share!
Till soon—
Carrie and Kelly
